sleepless nights

odd. i can't seem to sleep. sigh. actually it isn't odd for me at all. I haven't been able to sleep properly at night for some time. the result of this being my precious daytime hours being wasted. i couldn't be more inefficient with my holidays. holidays. it gets boring fast, in my opinion, and yet i savour the sweet freedom of it. or maybe the boredom is just catalysed by the fact that i do not know or i simply have nothing interesting to do. define interesting you might say. honestly i am blank. sometimes, i do feel empty in a way. now is a perfect example. i think a lot when i am in bed. like a lot. it does not make me feel any more blessed to be in this world. i am here. and that is it. i mean really. that is all. is this what people mean by taking life for granted? is it really amazing and grand as how a person would see it when they gaze into the billions or so stars in the universe, or is it just philosophically insignificant to us that we just go through it everyday, sometimes that day, ending in humiliation or suffering just makes us just want to curl up in bed and die? i have had that. we all do. still, i can't quite describe accurately the complex subconscious flow of thoughts i have at night when I'm in my bed, unable to actually drift into slumber until the little hand comes close to six. the sound of the azan subuh is remarkably calming for me, soothing almost. i do not care much about the dark shadows under my eyes.